There are many things that I wish were easier in life.

Many many things.

No, it hasn't been easy for me.

And sometimes it seems as though it may never be.

But I've got to remember that I am strong.

I can carry my own,

and I can carry everyone else's.

It's not easy,

and sometimes it gets the best of me.

But that is who I am.

I am that friend that everyone can rely on...

and I am that person that will tell the truth and help you no matter what.

It gets challenging, yes.

Because even though it may not seem like it,

I do in fact,

get feelings.

I get sad.

I get angry.

I get worried, a lot.

I know I don't talk to many people about these feelings,

and that there are very few people that know me and how I work.

But I cherish those few people I have.

Because without them I would be absolutely lonely.

It feels like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders sometimes.

And sometimes I feel like I can't take anymore.

I wish people would just handle their own problems,

and not make them mine as well.

But then I step back and realize there is a reason these people chose to confide in me.

And I find comfort in that.

And as much I have never asked anything of my friends because I haven't really needed much.

I know that they'd be there for me in a heart beat.

No matter what.

And it's amazing because I haven't ever felt that.

I've been through a lot of times in my life,

where I have felt as though I had no one.

I suppose that lead me to build up some walls.

I began to find only comfort in myself,

and became as strong as I could be to get myself through.

It's hard for me to rely on others,

because for such a long time I didn't have "others" there for me.

It was just me.

Or so I thought.

And it felt like the world was out to get me.

But I've grown since then.

And I know better now.

I can't help but feel lonely.

A lot.

And that scares me.

I really miss being in love...

and knowing what it is like to be loved back. 

But, that will all come with time.

It will happen when it wants to.

In the mean time I should stop worrying about not being attractive to the wrong guys.

And just worry about being me,

and realizing that it is okay not to be strong all the time.

Being strong all the time takes a toll on you.

Emotionally.

And it's okay to ask for help,

just don't get caught up in something you aren't.

And it's okay to break down and cry,

and to show people you are vulnerable and fragile.

Just like everyone else.

Even though it's scary,

and nobody really ever thinks you might be hurting.

It is okay.

It will be okay.

There are many people out there who love you for who you are,

and the rest, you really don't need to worry about.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

I don't know why it is so important to me that everyone thinks I'm strong 100% of the time.

I try to be, I will admit that. 

But I don't need to be.

And that is what I need to take to heart.

It will help me, to let other people in.

I just have to step out of this little comfort zone I've built in my mind...

and let them know that I'm not bullet proof.

And that sometimes, I'm not okay.

And that's okay.