i saw a guy on a motorcycle today.
that's all.
it was a dude, with black hair.
on a motorcycle.
i had been doing so well.
but the instant i saw him my heart panged.
and it hurt.
i am still not over justin.
wtf is wrong with me?!
so i've heard that it takes double the time you were dating someone to get over them.
okay.
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN 2 MONTHS AGO.
i should be over him by now.
right?
wrong.
i hate my life.
and i miss the fuck out of him.
and i was hoping he would turn around.
but after 8 months...
it's hopeless and i need to move on.
but i don't want to.
i don't want to like anyone.
i don't want to day.
i do want to have sex...
but that is besides the point.
i am scared of an emotional investment.
shocking?
i know.
i'm always the "strong" one.
the "down to earth won't lose her head" one.
i don't want to be that anymore.
i just want to be taken care of.
it's sickening really.
but i want someone to cater to me for once..
and take care of what i need.
obviously that is too much to ask.
and i can't let go of who i am enough to let that happen.
but, still.
that's what i want.
doesn't mean i'm going to get it.
and i'm sure as fuck not going to pout about it outside of this little world inside my head.
but, still.
i'm really starting to think i may never get over him.
well..that might be far fetched.
i mean, i've got the rest of my life and all.
but regardless...it seems as though it is never ending.
i thought i was over it.
and then some stupid jack ass comes speeding passed me on a damn motorbike...and woooo there i go again.
fuck it.
i hate emotions, and i feel like i have been trying to deal with this specific one for a trillion years.
i kind of just want to punch this specific emotion right in the left nut.
but clearly that is impossible.
so i will just have to deal...
and be okay with things...
and move on...
and not be an asshole.
the end.