you know, life is hard. but it is only as miserable as you make it. i've decided to start living my life with no regrets, i'm back to who i was before justin crushed my heart. i know i am who i'm suppose to be and i don't need a damn man to make me that way. all that they do is get in the way of my dreams and slow me down from what i'm becoming. sounds cruel doesn't it? i'm not saying this to be mean or to get back at anybody. i'm not better because of josh, or justin. maybe a little bit resentful, but i'm over it. i don't NEED that, i don't NEED a boy in my life to make me feel loved and wanted. my friends and my family make me feel like the most wonderful person in the whole world. and i enjoy being there for them and doing things for them and with them and making them happy and making them laugh. because i'm the person everyone can come to when they have a problem. i'm the person everyone can come to when they just need to talk or just simply need a shoulder to cry on. i'm the person who can be the best friend in the world. and when i'm with someone, they take away from that. even if they aren't making me try to please them, that is all i want to do because i love them and i want them to be happy with me. and it always turns out that i try so hard to make them happy, they end up stopping trying for me. and they let me go. and i'm better than that, the people who truly love me and want me in their lives with never let me go. and i don't want to be with someone who doesn't give a shit whether they see me, or whether i'm happy. as a matter of fact i don't need them at all. i don't need them in my life, and i don't want them in my life. i'm completely content with being single, and i have found happiness here. sure, i get lonely and sometimes i want to get laid. but honestly, i haven't found a single person who is as good in bed as justin was, so that is kind of out of the picture too. i can't enjoy it, so i don't need that either. and i've kind of realized that the only person i can REALLY TRULY depend on to make my life worth while and to make me into who i want to be, is myself. i don't ask for too much in this life, i deal with what i'm givin and that isn't usually as much as everyone else. but fuck it, i'm not going to let that get me down. i'm not going to let this stupid broken heart control my happiness, broken hearts are for assholes. i'm figuring out who i am, and i'm attempting to figure out who i want to be, and a relationship is just going to get in the way of that. i'm not trying to be a man-hater or some kind of crazy ass feminist, i'm trying to be me. and the person that i am, has found true happiness in being single. i am in love with my life and i don't need a boy to complete that. all that i need is my friends my family and some serious confidence and self-esteem to help me survive in this cruel world. fuck the haters =) i'm doing what i need to do to make me into the person that i want to be, and nobody is ganna stop me!