millions of peaches, peaches for me.

turns out with alcohol and emotions; i can cry.

i'm not even sure what i want to talk about, or even how i'm feeling. i'm a little tipsy and that has taken my edge off. i'm feeling things again. i can't decide if that is a good or a bad thing...this week at work was hell. we unpacked and moved and blah blah blah. and it was stressful and just when i thought i was done, i had to do more! and i miss spending time with pam. like legit miss hanging out with her. I feel like we've become really close. we went out to dinner on monday, and we just get along and i enjoy her company. and it sucks now that i won't even be able to talk to her most days. but i'll have to get over it. it's just, she can make me smile when i don't want to. and that is really nice to have at work because it gets stressful. especially when you're paired up with people you don't like.

actually; i'm missing a lot right now. i miss my childhood, i miss my friends, my family, being in love...and these emotions are starting to get the best of me. i think to much and that is something that i don't really want to do. because the more i think, the more i worry. and worrying sucks, especially after i have been drinking. however, it is kind of nice to cry. i just wish i wasn't alone right now, because i wouldn't be feeling this way. i hate being alone. and i don't mean alone as in without a boyfriend, but just alone..like there is nobody else around. my and kyle are in bed, and i'm downstairs pouting and thinking about shit i don't want to think about. i guess i'm just thinking too much...i don't have enough brain capacity for this right now. i just want to lay here and not think. just be. but i'm trying to do that, and then i get all fucking philosophical. ha.

i wish i had somebody to talk to. to keep my mind off myself. moving home is boring and is leaving me lonely quite often. i came home yesterday and my mom and her boyfriend were literally having sex upstairs. we don't have cable, all that i have in the internet. so...i didn't have much to do except facebook creep and watch glee until they had finished their business. needless to say, i was sort of mad. and by mad i mean livid. and by livid, i mean i hid it well. just like i hide everything else. i realize i'm not that outspoken, nor do i want to be. but damn, i wish i could just tell people how i feel. i guess i've experienced lots of bad consequences for doing such things. too much negative reinforcement. but i guess that is life, and i'm not the only one this happens too. and i also guess, that i just need to be ok with myself. and i think i'm getting there, but damn it is a lot of work and it is using up my emotions. good thing i don't have anything too trying going on in my life right now, otherwise i would be a damn wreck. fack. idk..i have to go to the rest room. and then i think i'm going to spend my time thinking and staring at the ceiling. very productive, i realize this.

night.
sleep tight.