you know, it's not very often you find something like this. in anyone...it is ridiculous how afraid i am of this. but then again at the same time i am so ready. i'm ready to be committed, i'm ready to know what forever feels like. honestly, i feel like i've been with justin for forever and i day. but it's only been a couple months, and i've only known him for three months! can you know who you want to be with for the rest of your life in 3 months? is that physically and psychologically possible? i have no idea...i don't know how this is going to turn out, i don't even know if it is going to work out. but i believe it will. there has been nothing that would even give me the slightest inclining that i wouldn't want to be with him. he listens, he says communication is a BIG thing for him. what guy says that?! i'm used to the guys who never tell me how they feel, or what they are doing, or what is even going on. i'm used to those guys who want me to be around, but don't really want me to be "there". i'm used to those guys who expect me to be the perfect girlfriend. news flash..nobody is perfect. and i'm starting to think that justin and i really do love each other enough to except those imperfections. or at least be able to talk about them and come to terms with them. it's so awesome, if i have a problem i can literally tell him and not be afraid that he is going to leave me. it is amazing, the most amazing feeling ever actually. like i've been able to tell my mom everything, and jessie and chelsea...but never a boyfriend. i've always tried to make myself better and hide my flaws so i won't scare them away. but the more justin gets to know me...i feel like the more he loves me and embraces who i am. now..idk if that is true, but that is what i feel. and the same goes for him...there is nothing i have seen or have found out about him that i do not absolutely love. even if it isn't perfect, it's not scary. i'm not SCARED of him. i'm not scared of him hurting me, i'm not scared of him leaving me. i have never felt this before. i think the only way he would ever stop loving me would be if i cheated on him. which i will never ever do, i'm just not that type of person and from what he says neither is he. and i totally believe him. he is VERY into me, and i cling onto his every word. which may be good or bad, i do not know. all that i know is that i want to know more of him...i want to embrace and love everything about him. i'm ready for this relationship to last, i am ready to be with him forever and i know we could make it work and i want to make it work because if he is being his true self right now...i could certainly love him forever. now, i do have to admit i am a little afraid of him changing because that has happened before. it is all fun and special and sweet...and then BAM three months into it they decide that they've roped me in and they don't have to try anymore, that no matter what they do i'm stuck with them. and i know now, sure as shit, that i don't have to stay with them...i can leave whenever i want. i have that power because i am human too, afterall. i don't know why it took me one really bad relationship to figure that out, but i'm sure glad i did because i can live life now and i can love myself and i can love others. i don't feel like i want to die anymore, i don't feel worthless. i mean, i still have my fallbacks...but they aren't near as bad, and nobody is perfect. which is why this relationship has been able to work for me also, i don't have those high love story expectations anymore. i don't lie to myself and tell myself that it is going to work out exactly how i want it to. i just let things happen as they come, and so far it has worked out beautifully for me because i'm HAPPY. yeah, that's right i said it...HAPPY! so that fucker who made me feel like i wanted to die and i wasn't worth anything can FUCK OFF! and i'm over it, totally over it. i have found somebody who can be himself and whom i can be myself around, whom i trust...somebody who won't make up excuses, somebody who will tell me how they feel, somebody who can kiss me and make things better, somebody who wants to know how i work...i have found that all around relationship that i have always looked for. and the best part is...i don't have to try! i don't have to force him to be a person, i don't have to dig to see what his true feelings are. and i truly believe he would do anything for me, and you know what? i would do anything for him because i love him with my whole heart, maybe even more. and i pray and i wish and i hope and i DREAM, that justin and i stay like we are, that nothing changes, that he keeps being the awesome man i met and fell in love with. because...i love him enough to know that if he broke up i would be completely crushed and i would never stop loving him, no matter what.

i found this postsecret yesterday and it says, "knowing that there is one, just one,person with your personality and vibrance out in the world, makes me feel completely optimistic and happy about living in it." whoever sent it in has a beautiful mind, and knows exactly how i feel about the people i love.

so for the record, i love JUSTIN DAVID WOODWARD! and i never ever want to love anyone else, because as it stands...he is making me believe in fate more and more everyday.