i honestly can say i feel like everything is falling apart. justin told me before this weekend that we need to spend more time with our friends and our family...?? ok, that'd be cool if we were spending a lot of time together but we're not! i only get to see him for like..one hour on wednesdays and maybe one day during the weekend. and now that is fucking gone. i feel like he is pushing me away...he isn't saying all the cute stuff like he used to say..like that he misses me or he needs me. he barely even tells me he loves me! i was really hoping that is was never going to be like this...you know, i fucking gave him everything really fast because i completely trusted him with it because i didn't think we were ever going to drift apart. but here it is...that is exactly what is happening. we are fucking drifting apart and he is LETTING IT HAPPEN. god..i can't blame him for wanting to spend time with his brother, i mean he hasn't been able to hang out with him for 3 years...but...really? he has to cut me off completely? not to mention his stupid fucking job that keeps him so damn late. i planned on seeing him tonight, it's all ive been looking forward to since wednesday because wednesday was weird and we got into a little bit of an argument because he said he doesn't know if he can give me just one day for me and him. this all fucking sucks...i just want him soooo bad, i want to know its ok. i want to know that he isn't actually pushing me away, that it's just a thing he's going through...we're going through. i want to know that he is still in love with me...but i'm not going to know until who knows when bc he isn't able to text me and the only times he's off work he is sleeping. and i just wanna scream and cry and go to his fucking job and punch his goddamn boss in the fucking face! i can't handle this..i have SO MUCH on plate, and it is such bad fucking timing for this to be happening because i'm so stressed from school i'm an emotional wreck anyways.


this is exactly what happened in my last relationship...and the one before that. three months in and BAM it all goes to shit. i just want him so bad...so fucking bad i could die. it's stupid because i shouldn't need him that much...but i thought it was ok to put my whole heart into this because he did too, and he said he needed me too. and I FUCKING MISS HIM!