i know i haven't posted about justin yet, but that is because everything is so amazing! so beautifully amazing i can't even begin to explain how i feel about him! i don't know if it is a bad or a good thing that i feel so right about this. i feel like he IS THE ONE, and that is kinda scary for me. ecspecially when you look on my past relationships. i mean i did tell fuck face i would marry him, and i thought it was real. but it wasn't and i know that now. with him i had doubts, i knew it wasn't right i just put it out of my mind and decided that i would settle. and now that i look back on it, that was very fucked up. to put it nicely. i screwed myself over, i could have stopped it. but if that wouldn't have happened, i'm sure i wouldn't be where i am right now. and i am blissful at the moment. i am completely and totally in love with justin it is almost unbearable. and i don't mean that in a bad sense, i mean it in a very very good one. i feel like my heart is going to explode! i seriously have never ever felt like this before, ever. no matter how much i thought i did, i didn't. it wasn't real. but this is, i know it. and i hope it never ever ends because it feels so right in so many different ways. and i know i can be a bitch and i know he can be an asshole, but i am so willing to accept that because that is just how people are. they get mad, they do things they don't mean. but it's different with him because i know for a fact that justin will NEVER hurt me. and if he does, even unintentionally, he will make up for it. because he has a good family, he treats his mom right. and that is a big thing, because everyone says it is important to look at how a man treats his mother bc that is a reflection of how he treats women. i just feel so completely and totally safe with him. and i don't mean just because i know he would kill someone for me, but i know he wants me to be happy. he wants to please me, he wants to be MINE and ALL MINE and he wants me to be his, forever. and i have to admit it is kinda scary. because i've given my heart away once, and we all know how that ended up. but i have given EVERYTHING to justin, and it really hasn't even been that long. but i trust it. and that scares me. it scares me not because i'm afriad of him hurting me, because i can handle that. aint nothing he could do to me that hasn't been done before. and now i know what to do, and that is just simply to get the fuck out. but i am afraid of hurting him. and i realize i have no reason to be afraid of this, because i would give anything for his love and for his respect. but he is so big and so strong and so...manly. and i know that if i hurt him, it would completely crush him and he would cry and be depressed and i can't bear thinking about him that way. i can't stand that he is so sad when i'm not with him. and i know it is ridculous to think that i just want to be with him ALL THE TIME. but i do...and i'm honestly not worried about getting sick of him. that doesn't freak me out...and i'm not worried about him getting sick of me. because it is too good for that. and maybe it's too good to be true? idk...it's still very early in the relationship, i mean hell it hasn't even been two months yet. but i just know that this is going to last...if not forever, then for a very very long time. i don't intend on ever being with anyone else. i could see myself being with him thru college, getting engaged..,thru grad school...getting married. and marriage scares the SHIT out of me. but if he is really being true to who he is now, then i know its right because he is everything i have ever wanted in a guy. EVERYTHING. and i know that we could get thru anything because he talks to me, i know what he is thinking. and he WANTS to know what i'm thinking. it is important to him. and omg that just makes me feel SO GOOD to know that what i think and what i do is important to him. he treats me like a princess, he's even called me his princess =) i love being his world, and right now he is one of the only stable and worthwhile things in my life. everyone else is full of drama, or flaky. it's all really irritating. but oh man, i would give anything to be in his arms right now, to be in his arms any second of any day. he makes me laugh like no other...this really is the most beautiful feeling in the world. and its so raw and pure, i can't imagine feeling any other way about him, or feeling like this towards any one else. i love him with my WHOLE HEART, and he has every piece of it. and i totally trust him to cherish that, because right now i don't even intend on leaving his arms. it's just so perfect there.