i'm in one of those moods. you know, the one where i feel like i want to cry because the aching inside of me would stop...but i really don't have any reason to? ok, maybe there are plenty of reasons to cry, but i can't find one that will actually make me cry. it's quite frustrating actually. it's all pent up in there with no place to go. i don't even know how to get it out at this point.

so i'm starting to like jason. jason...is the guy jessie tried to "set me up" with. i guess i kind of ignored it because i don't want to be that girl who can't find a guy without being set up with him. so i just put it on the back burner. then..i started getting excited when he would text me, and sad when he wouldn't. i noticed i like him...or at least had some sort of feelings for him was at jessie's on saturday. our friend emma from high school was there. and jessie had text me telling me that emma was thinking about hooking up with jason...oh you would not believe the feelings that happened inside of me at that moment. i was so pissed and jealous. i admit i didn't tell emma i kind of liked him, but she knew we'd been talking and she knew he liked me. i just want to get pissed, but i wasn't supposed to know. i wouldn't have made a scene anyways. but it was at the moment that i sat there..and i was like damn. emma didn't hook up with him, she ended up doing his friend, which was weird. but jason and i made out alot, for like two hours. it was amazing. he didn't try to have sex with me, i was pretty impressed. so i was texting him the next day and i told him how i was jealous and how i would have been pissed, but not at him. and he said he would have been pissed at himself because he is really excited to see where this goes. and to be honest, so i am. i'm not sure if these are legit feelings, i don't really know who he is. but i'm so ready to get to know. even if this ends up being nothing more than a friend ship i will be happy because he seems like such a good guy. he's very honest and loyal, just like me.

and the bad news...
we have to move, again. they put the for rent sign up today. idk if we'll be able to stay here til they find a new rentee or not. my mom JUST started looking at places, so who knows if we'l have time to get into one. we might end up living with my grandma. it just scares me. i know we'll have a place to live no matter what. but just the fact that it's gotten to this point. it's very stressful. and i feel like i have to be strong for my mom and kyle. i think kyle will be ok...he understands life very well. but i know how it feels to see men walk in and out of your mom's life, over and over again. it's not a good feeling. and now..men have screwed all of us over. it's a mess. i'm and i'm trying to be strong for everyone...and i'm ok. i really am. but i can just feel my breaking point coming. and god, i hope it's not at an inconvenient time. from what i've been through this past few years, i've learned that crying would get me anywhere. and i really don't want to let people see me like that...because i can't be weak and let things get to me. everyone is falling apart, and they are leaning on me to be their strong point. so i'm trying to be ok, not for myself..but for them. and i know this isn't very good reasoning, but it's all i got to hold onto for my family.