i absolutely hate all that i have going on in my head right now.
graduation.
moving in with jessie.
my mom moving.
the custody battles.
not getting into grad school.
getting a new job.
alicyn's wedding.
it all seems to be piling on top of each other.
i'm handling it well now..
but i can feel a break down a comin' and it won't be any good.
maybe if i look for the good in these things, i will feel less anxious?
well..
i'm graduating from college. that's a big step.
i made it! everyone is so proud of me.
it's weird though because i don't feel like it is happening.
like i'm actually going to get out of that place..
it will be overwhelming the day it happens.
but, truthfully, i am looking forward to it.
moving in with jessie is a huge plus!
it will cure my loneliness, at least for a while.
and she is my best friend forever.
i'm worried we will fight...
but i think we are close enough and able minded enough to know when enough is enough, and what to do to fix it.
my mom moving just sucks.
but she will be happy and so will kyle.
that's assuming kyle will get to move, his dad is fighting for custody.
i don't know who will win.
his argument seems pretty flimsy.
i'm not looking forward to going to court and being a witness for my mom.
i just hope that whatever the decision is, it is in kyle's best interest.
because i know he will not be happy at his dads...considering he hasn't ever been much of  a father.
my dad and jodi are in the middle of a custody battle with my little cousin ben.
he needs them, i just wish that the other half of his family would realize that.
no, i didn't get into grad school.
i didn't cry like i thought i would, but it isn't the end of the world.
i can reapply, or take online classes (even tho i don't want to).
i'm more upset about having to pay loans...
this is the real world after all.
scary.
i got a new job with my old supervisor at a daycare downtown :)
i'm really excited about this opportunity, but i'm worried because i only took the job to get me through grad school.
i will be hired on as full time eventually though, and hopefully become a lead teacher.
this job will give me the experience i need to get into the social work program.
and after six months i can switch to other jobs in the company.
i am really looking forward to this.
i will miss the daycare i am at now though..
and i promise i will cry when i leave those kids!
and then there is alicyn's wedding...
i'm okay now.
but it has been a cause of stress.
first she didn't ask me to be in it..
and then katie is being all flaky with the dress buying when she is the one who wants to match.
quite frankly, i could care less if we matched or not.
it will be nice if we do tho and we will look good in the pictures.
it is just going to be painful for me to see alicyn and fully realize that she is no longer one of my 'true' friends.
she is a mere acquaintance, whom i used to be best friends with.
i will realize this at the wedding.
i have already seen how much she has changed and how little i mean to her now.
it hurts me.
but i'm accepting it.
there is nothing i can do..but let go and live my life.
same goes for everything else.
i'm not going to let it bog me down.
i can't.
i'm stronger than that.
and for as much as i live in my head...
and don't rely on others for support and comfort.
i'd say i'm doing okay.
and i will continue to do okay.