justin: i kno baby! its cuz its right!! i wanted to tell u how i truely feel but i am afraid its to soon!
me: baby i'm feelin the same thing and i feel like such a puss for not just spitting it out lol..that's what i was smiling all goofy about!
justin: i kno thats y u were!! and i feel like a bigger puss!! but here goes..i'm falling in love with u!! i can't believe its happening this fast but i am!
me: oh baby it's so amazing! i'm falling in love with you too and it's happening so fast, like this has never happened b4 and i feel like it should be too soon, but for us it isn't it feels like this is what is suppossed to happen!
justin: =) =) =) i feel relieved haha god it does feel so right baby!! everything feels rite!
me: it's the most amazing feeling in the world! i've been meaning to tell you for like a week now and didn't know how lol and like..there would be an opening and i would be like saying it in my head but like freaking out haha
justin: i kno...i wanted to tell you but i was afraid of you being all weirded out or sum!! or reacting bad to it! and if there would have been awkwardness! but i'm so happy its out now baby!! ugh sigh of relief!!
me: i'm beyond happy baby, wayyyy beyond it...i hope you know how blissfully happy i am right now and i'm also completely happy with the fact that we're ototally ont he same page..you don't have to be afriad of me being weirded out baby ever!!
justin: lol i knooooo!! its deff a better feeling knowing were on the same page!! haha i can say it now...should i?!
me: i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)
justin: =) =) =) =) omg!!! I LOVE U!!!
i really do love him! i'll have to explain later ;)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
ok. i don't want to get into detail because i know i will cry, and i just don't want that to happen in some strange hotel on vacation. but i had a dream...i very bad dream, i nightmare even. about him, about him hurting me, it was scary. i jerked awake..and it's all i've been able to think about ever since. i hope he treats his new girlfriend better. because i'm haunted, he caused me more damage than anyone will ever know. i need to spill to someone..i need to get my head on straight. because i feel it balling up in my chest, and it hurts. and the only thing that will make that sensation go away is screaming and crying, and letting someone know the pain i feel. but idk who to tell..because i don't want anyone i know to know that side of me. i WANT to be normal, i WANT to be happy. and if i keep it that way around my loved ones, around my friends, i'll be fine because they will think i'm fine.
fuck this!
fuck this!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
i just got really depressed and lonely.
*Since you've gone, my heart said something's wrong.
How long can this keep goin' on?
I'm still blue over losin' you.
What else am I gonna do?
I'm buildin' bridges straight to your heart,
An' all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
Talk to me, talk to me about sympathy.
Don't leave me beggin' on my knees.
Since you've gone, my heart says something's wrong.
How long can this keep goin' on?
I'm buildin' bridges straight to your heart,
And all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
I'm buildin' bridges straight to your heart,
And all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
I'm buildin' bridges, (I'm buildin' bridges.)
Straight to your heart,
And all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
(I'm buildin' bridges.)
Straight to your heart.
Whoa, I,
Whoa I, I'm buildin' bridges,
Staright to your heart.* - Brooks and Dunn
*Well I've heard those city singers singin 'bout how they can love
Deeper than the oceans higher than the stars above
Well I come from the country and I know I ain't seen it all
But I heard that oceans salty and the stars they sometimes fall
But that would not do justice to the way I feel for you
So I have to sing this song about all the things I knew
My love is deeper that the holler, stronger than the rivers
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill
My love is purer than the snowflakes that fall in late December
And honest as a robin on a springtime window sill
And longer than the song of the Whippoorwill
From the backroads to the broadway shows with a million miles between
There's a least a million love songs that people love to sing
And everyone is different and everyone's the same
So this is just another way of sayin' the same thing
My love is deeper that the holler, stronger than the rivers
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill
My love is purer than the snowflakes that fall in late December
And honest as a robin on a springtime window sill
And longer than the song of the Whippoorwill
My love is deeper that the holler, stronger than the rivers
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill
My love is purer than the snowflakes that fall in late December
And honest as a robin on a springtime window sill
And longer than the song of the Whippoorwill* - Randy Travis
so i've been talking to jason for a while now. we know each other pretty well...we've talked about getting fucked over and how we don't want relationships but we like each other. we've talked about how we're totally comfortable around each other and how we can be ourselves...we text every night before bed. and we started this thing where we tell each other good night even if we are busy. and then i text him last night...and i got nothing back. and no text tonight. now, i'm not broken hearted or anything but
what is going on?! like monday night he was telling me how much better his year has been since he's met me..and blah blah blah and now he won't even talk to me? there has to be something wrong. i'm going to cry if it's me tho. i'm sorta kinda attached to him..i know him pretty well, he's a good person and very loyal but he hurts easily. and so do i...maybe that's not a good combination, but who cares we're not going to date. i'm pretty sure that isn't in the cards for me for a very very long time. unless it walks into my life...which hasn't happened soooo...whatever.
idk i feel good about being single, i'm happy, i'm FREE <3 but thats about it..nothing else. i don't have that person to kiss, to tell i love you to. none of that...and i miss it. as gross as it sounds, i do. i want that other half that person who LOVES me and wants to be with me forever. i went to sex in the city 2 with KT on tuesday and in the movie carrie and her husband have this relationship that i want. like she gets mad and neurotic and he just stays calm and adapts to it, and she does the same. there is no yelling or screaming just talking and rationalizing..and being adults. where the hell are THOSE relationships in the real world?? i want one.
*Since you've gone, my heart said something's wrong.
How long can this keep goin' on?
I'm still blue over losin' you.
What else am I gonna do?
I'm buildin' bridges straight to your heart,
An' all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
Talk to me, talk to me about sympathy.
Don't leave me beggin' on my knees.
Since you've gone, my heart says something's wrong.
How long can this keep goin' on?
I'm buildin' bridges straight to your heart,
And all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
I'm buildin' bridges straight to your heart,
And all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
I'm buildin' bridges, (I'm buildin' bridges.)
Straight to your heart,
And all of this distance won't keep us apart,
Won't keep us apart.
(I'm buildin' bridges.)
Straight to your heart.
Whoa, I,
Whoa I, I'm buildin' bridges,
Staright to your heart.* - Brooks and Dunn
*Well I've heard those city singers singin 'bout how they can love
Deeper than the oceans higher than the stars above
Well I come from the country and I know I ain't seen it all
But I heard that oceans salty and the stars they sometimes fall
But that would not do justice to the way I feel for you
So I have to sing this song about all the things I knew
My love is deeper that the holler, stronger than the rivers
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill
My love is purer than the snowflakes that fall in late December
And honest as a robin on a springtime window sill
And longer than the song of the Whippoorwill
From the backroads to the broadway shows with a million miles between
There's a least a million love songs that people love to sing
And everyone is different and everyone's the same
So this is just another way of sayin' the same thing
My love is deeper that the holler, stronger than the rivers
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill
My love is purer than the snowflakes that fall in late December
And honest as a robin on a springtime window sill
And longer than the song of the Whippoorwill
My love is deeper that the holler, stronger than the rivers
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill
My love is purer than the snowflakes that fall in late December
And honest as a robin on a springtime window sill
And longer than the song of the Whippoorwill* - Randy Travis
so i've been talking to jason for a while now. we know each other pretty well...we've talked about getting fucked over and how we don't want relationships but we like each other. we've talked about how we're totally comfortable around each other and how we can be ourselves...we text every night before bed. and we started this thing where we tell each other good night even if we are busy. and then i text him last night...and i got nothing back. and no text tonight. now, i'm not broken hearted or anything but
what is going on?! like monday night he was telling me how much better his year has been since he's met me..and blah blah blah and now he won't even talk to me? there has to be something wrong. i'm going to cry if it's me tho. i'm sorta kinda attached to him..i know him pretty well, he's a good person and very loyal but he hurts easily. and so do i...maybe that's not a good combination, but who cares we're not going to date. i'm pretty sure that isn't in the cards for me for a very very long time. unless it walks into my life...which hasn't happened soooo...whatever.
idk i feel good about being single, i'm happy, i'm FREE <3 but thats about it..nothing else. i don't have that person to kiss, to tell i love you to. none of that...and i miss it. as gross as it sounds, i do. i want that other half that person who LOVES me and wants to be with me forever. i went to sex in the city 2 with KT on tuesday and in the movie carrie and her husband have this relationship that i want. like she gets mad and neurotic and he just stays calm and adapts to it, and she does the same. there is no yelling or screaming just talking and rationalizing..and being adults. where the hell are THOSE relationships in the real world?? i want one.
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