postsecret knows my life.

this year is going to be a long, stressful, uphill battle.

catherine and corie think they are hott shit.

they get everything just because they had to "move" the furthest.

when i got there today to bring my stuff...

they literally took all the closest space.

i asked where i was supposed to put my stuff.

they said anna would share her closet with me...

which anna never told me.

i would think that that would be something she would talk to me about.

but no, she didn't.

because that wasn't okay.

they also took my dresser away.

i specifically picked that one out because it had a BIG drawer.

i mean fuck.

if they get all the closet space,

why should i not get a big drawer?

and i know they took it,

there was no sneaking around that one.

i mentioned it to cat...

that it would be nice to have a big drawer.

and she asked if i wanted it..

i said no.

what was i supposed to say?

they already had the ones i wanted filled!

okay.

i realize this is a stupid and silly thing to get pissed about.

and i wasn't pissed about it earlier.

but i can't use anna's closet.

it's a goddamn rule.

and i just know it is going to cause a huge fuss that i have to share the closets with them

they don't NEED that many clothes.

i have less then half of what either of them have.

and i don't bring anything extra to school,

unless i buy something.

which is not very often because, alas,

i am broke as fuck.

i am getting more and more annoyed as i think about it.

i really am pissed off.

they can suck a d.

seriously?

just because i'm not there doesn't mean i don't deserve what they get.

it's totally a dick move.

ashley and i shared a tiny ass closet last year.

and we survived...

did we not???

i just don't understand what they are thinking.

and it is hurting me because it seems as though i mean nothing.

like i am less than them.

which really...

who's the bigger person here?

i just agreed to everything they said.

to avoid argument?

absolutely.

but i'll take what i can get.

i'm not going to fight about it.

it's not my place to tell them what they can and cannot do.

it is anna's.

and she is going to.

i secretly hope she doesn't make me look like that bad guy though.

because i did text her...

and tell her they didn't let me have any closet space.

i really wish this year it was just anna and i.

but that isn't going to happen.

and apparently catherine and corie are going to treat me like shit.

i'm going to snap.

i can feel it already.

after all this shit i've been through with my mom and held in...

i'm not sure i can take being nice any more.

i might just throw myself a little fucking fit.

a well deserved fit at that.

you know...

i realize life is not fair.

but,

i am sick and tired of being a push over.

of just taking what i'm givin.

of being "the nice guy".

if working with pam and at the daycare has taught me anything...

it is that i can't always be nice.

i can't be everyone's friend.

and i just have to fucking learn how to deal with it.

i love myself.

i love the person i have become,

and the person i am becoming.

but you know what i would love even more?

to not be a damn pushover.

that is all i have ever been.

and honestly it makes me sick.

i know exactly why i've become this way.

i know exactly what has made me into this

delicate, scared, piece of human flesh.

and i think that is what pisses me of the most.

i know what it is.

and i can't do a damn thing about it.

there will come a time...

but that time is not now.

i don't know when it will be.

or even if it will ever come.

but when i get that chance...

damn will it feel good.

on a bit of a brighter note...

i am absolutely ecstatic to get back to a regular routine at work.

i miss pam.

we spent monday and tuesday working on the center.

and i think we are just so much alike that by the end we were fighting.

you know,

she is the biggest reason i'm learning that i need to stand up for myself.

she has made me a stronger person.

and i hate that i've been showing my weak side lately.

but with the new school year,

brings new beginnings.

i start my internship,

and i couldn't be more nervously excited.

i just know i'm going to love it.

but...

i am going into my senior year.

it's scary.

i have to take the GRE...and apply to grad school.

i want to shit myself i'm so scared.

but the longer i'm in school...

the longer i can put off being a big girl...

right??

damn.

there are so many emotions inside of me.

i hate being a mess inside.

i hate hiding stuff from everyone.

but i'm the strong one...

i put up with shit the best.

everyone falls down sometimes.

but now is my time to stand.

and i 'm not going to let this bullshit get in my way.

i'm going to enjoy my life.

look passed the flaws.

the grass is always greener on the other side.

la la la whatever.

la la la oh well.

la la la it doesn't matter....

la la la.

so here i am.

loving life.

i got to see my whole family this weekend.

well maybe not the whole shabang,

but i got to see the people that matter.

the ones i miss the most.

and the ones i don't...

that only show up for big events.

who never seem to care unless something happens.

but that's whatever.

i got to see my aunt jayjay and my cousins ana and alex.

and what a wonder that was!

i hate that they moved to arizona,

i grew up with them.

i miss them.

and i really look up to my aunt.

i feel like her and i are alike in more ways than one.

but you would never know,

because we are never together.

i wanted to hang out with them more.

yes i saw my long lost family.

but i missed the damned sweet corn festival for them.

the first year i'm legal to drink!

not that i didn't last year ;)

but it would have been a blast...

my mom went and apparently she had THE BEST SWEETCORN EVER!!!

she met up with some guy she was in love with in high school.

and banged him.

thus is my life.

i wouldn't have run into any body i was in love with...

and i wouldn't have banged them.

although, last time i went out in adel i made out with jonas.

awkward.

you know, i really had a great weekend with family.

i wouldn't have gotten that if i went to sweetcorn.

i love them.

all of them.

as neurotic and insane as they are.

they are who i am.

they make me.

and i love every damn second of it.

there is never a dull moment.

there are stories and memories...

apparently i fed alex paint?

it is just the greatest feeling in the world to be around them.

and i am so sad that i can't be around them more.

i'm sad we don't live close.

i'm sad they moved away.

but what can you do?

it's not like i have the money to travel to phoenix!

thank god for facebook, huh?

well i'm sleepy...

i just wanted to say that i love my family.

and they will always be a part of me.

and no matter what,

i'll never be ashamed of that.

xoxo.